Treasures In Heaven

Today was a big day for our family.  Parker along with 15 other second-graders graduated from our church's 4 year old to second grade children's program.  It was also the last graduating class as our church moves to a new children's program.  

I was flooded with memories today.  Tony and I started volunteering with the kids over 10 years ago.  At the time, we were still getting to know people and were childless.  John hadn't married Christy yet and we didn't even know who they were.  Now, John and Christy have Jillian. Parker asks me if it is possible to marry your best friend.  I love it that I get to say I married mine. We are beyond blessed to count John and Christy as our dearest friends and Macy calls Jillian her big sister.  

John has a tradition at graduation where he shares something special about each child.  I made it through the first couple of kids without crying, but then John started talking about the kids that we have known since birth and toddlers.  Tony said he expected me to cry at Parker's and Jillian's, but not at all the others.  I replied that those kids are my babies too.  These kids mean so much to me, and I am so proud that these are GOOD kids.  As I watched John and Christy close a program that they started years ago with such grace and love, I was reminded that we don't serve for ourselves but for treasures in heaven.  And we are blessed to work with some of those treasures on Earth.

Mother's Day 2032

Dear Parker and Macy,

It's Mother's Day 2012. You are 8 and 3 respectively.  We drove to church this morning with Parker's nose in a book and Macy belting out "Firework".  I thought to myself that I want to freeze frame this moment in my memory forever.  Then I imagined what Mother's Day would look like 20 plus years from now.  I could barely picture you all grown up, possibly married, and even parents.  I started wondering what kind of parents you would be and what lessons you would choose to keep and those things you would want to do better than we did. 

I hope that you will always know that you are loved beyond measure.  No matter what you have done or will do could increase or decrease our love for you.  Although there are days when you bicker or create a deafening noise, I can still count it a blessing that you are driving me crazy. I know that you will always be my greatest accomplishment.


I fervently hope and pray that you will know that there is a God and he made you for greatness.  Some will tell you that greatness is having the biggest house, the largest bank account, or your job title.  While I hope you achieve your dreams whatever they become, I hope you will believe that true greatness is not what you have but how you act. You go out of your way to do the right thing whether it's helping your neighbor, coworker, or church family.  You choose to treat all people with kindness regardless of how they look or treat you.


I hope your Dad and I have shown you that happiness is not something to be found but something you choose.  Waiting for something or someone to make you happy is always a guarantee for unhappiness.  Choose to rise and shine every day.  Since we do not live in a perfect world, you will encounter some kind of heartache.  Never let the heartache waver your belief in God.  Even in your darkest moments, you will never be alone.  Even when your Dad and I are gone, He will still be with you.


You have been our richest blessing  - now and always.


Love,
Mommy      

Two Friends

Two friends are on my heart - one who left this world unexpectedly today and one who is beginning a personal war against cancer.  The first friend you can read all about here.  Everyone who knows Mr. Jackie agrees with what Jenny wrote.   The second friend is so dear to me also...She knew us when when we were expecting Lauran and has since been a fixture in Parker and Macy's lives. Thinking about both of my friends today made me realize how much their personalities are alike.  They both spread joy wherever they go.  Both of their smiles encourage me every Sunday.  And, their smiles are so freely given.  I've have NEVER EVER heard these two friends complain even when one was wheelchair bound and the other watched her daughter go through the foster care/adoption process with all its emotional highs and lows.  I go to church partly because these people encourage me to be better than I am.  Both of them remind me to quit counting down the days and make the days count.  Both of them remind me to quit being so self-centered and to be more other-centered.  Both of them remind me to quit frowning and start smiling.

My sweet boy took the news of Mr. Jackie's death hard.  He asked me if he could go to the funeral.  To buy time to think about this request, I said I would have to check his baseball schedule.  I should have known better.  Parker comes back with "I would miss a baseball game for Mr. Jackie. I really want to go."  Then as he does every night before dinner, he says the prayer:  "Thank you for Mr. Jackie.  Please help him have a good first day in heaven."  I knew in an instant what Mr. Jackie has done for so many and what my other courageous friend continues to do.  Their lives leave no doubt of where they will be.

Teaching

I've always wanted to be a teacher.  I remember carrying all the extra dittos home so I could play school all summer long.  I loved my elementary, middle, and high school teachers.  Even though I abandoned my first love for a shot at television broadcasting and then being a social worker who specialized in geriatrics, I couldn't deny my heart.  Fifteen years later, I have no regrets about spending my time in the classroom.
I do sometimes wish though someone would have told me a few things.  First, I wish someone would have told me that I would spend more time pushing paperwork than teaching.  I've given 4 reading assessments and 3 math assessments since the beginning of April minus the first week we spent on Spring Break.  In case you think I teach 18-years-old headed to the Ivy League, I teach 8 and 9-year-olds headed to fourth grade.  I know the value of assessment.  With all the information I have collected this year about my students, one final assessment is enough.  The students aren't the only ones groaning.  Secondly, I wish someone would have told me that every year there will be one student whose pain at 9 years-old will be more than I can take.  My solution will be to take him home and make him my newest family member. But my solution won't work so I'll have to watch and feel so helpless.  Third, I wish someone would have told me that not everyone thinks childhood is something to be protected.  I've got third graders with iphones.  Please don't tell me they're for emergencies only.  I might buy that if they were the cheapest phone the company offers.  Girls wearing make-up - not Lip Smackers but full on eye shadow with black eye liner. Monday morning conversations about what R-rated movies their parents let them watch. I also hear about how far they are on Call of Duty, a war video game.  These kids will spend more than two-thirds of their life dealing with adult issues.  Why are we in such a hurry for our kids to grow up?  
I may be naive, that's true.  I thought teaching would be about the 3Rs.  My day rarely is.  It's more about the big C - character.  Ironically, we haven't found an assessment for that - yet. 

A Nasty Seven Letter Word

When Parker said he wanted to join Scouts, I thought my involvement would be learning how to sew the badges on.  Tony, on the other hand, signed up as assistant, went to leader, assistant cub master, and now cub master, I've still managed to stay in the background and leave the boys to it. Macy, on the other hand, thinks she is a scout too.  Thankfully, everyone, the boys included, have played along and not told her the truth.  So when there's an activity that Macy can do, we tag along with the boys.  
Last year, I celebrated the fact that Parker was too young to camp!    Memories of centipede filled bathrooms, the scar on my elbow, and losing my very first contact in the concession stand's grass are strong enough to make camping a bad word in my vocabulary. I had missed the Fall Camp-Out due to a girls shopping weekend that had been on the calendar for months. Tony took the kids and all three had a blast and talked about it for weeks.  I'm not sure the exact moment when I took the bait to participate, but I think it was when my loving husband said "This has all been Parker's idea.  Since I love my son, I am going to support him in his Scouting efforts."  Tony doesn't remember saying that weeks ago, but it was the gauntlet that I couldn't walk away from.
I begrudgingly said I would go. I put it out of mind until the end of Spring Break when I had to face reality.  I was c*mp*ing!  
For the first time all school year, I did not celebrate the 4 o'clock bell.  I told anyone who would listen that I was going camping without running water, flushing toilets, and in a tent.  Did I mention that we don't own a lick of camping equipment?  Despite my resolve to be a good sport, I was filled with fury on the drive to the campsite.  Tony immediately picked up on my mood, and we had a soul cleansing conversation while the kids happily snoozed on the way to Illinois.  Once I got it all aired about how much I despised roughing it and Tony's promise that I would never ever have to do it again, I felt lots better.  Despite freezing temperatures and our tent taking on water, I learned a few things about camping and for those of you who think camping is a nasty seven letter word this might encourage you...
The company you keep makes all the difference!  Thank you to the Breezes, Jakles, Chiles, and Wagner families!  Your expertise and camping equipment were awesome!  Thank you for including us in your plans.  I would have been lost without you.
Your equipment matters.  Watching the experts has given me tons of birthday, anniversary, and Father's Day gift ideas.  I would have never have guessed you can eat so well so far away from civilization.  Thanks to the LeCaves for the camping equipment loans and the Jakles for the tent!
A shower is nice. I managed to live without a shower, but I was also paralyzed by it to some extent.  I didn't want to do a lot since getting dirty would mean staying dirty...Showers should be taken into consideration for those of us who have camping impairments.
Take the pictures while you can.  I kept thinking I needed to leave the fire to take pictures so you could experience this adventure with me.  The fire was too cozy and keeping it going was the only job I had been given, so I thought I would take them on Sunday.  Despite Mr. Jakle having a weather radio and some folks getting phone service, we had no idea the rain was coming.  Where were you KSDK when we needed you?
Just because you hate something, doesn't mean you can't enjoy it.  When we loaded up wet and cold, Parker proclaimed "Didn't we have a great time? Except for the rain?  Oh yeah, you hate camping Mom, but you love being with me."  Your purpose can change something you hate into something fun.

My Boy

It's a misty-eyed mommy moment...Parker had his first baseball game tonight.  He played second base.  I didn't  think I would be one of those moms...always yelling witty bits of encouragement and clapping loudly.  Obviously, I have no problems with self-delusional thoughts.  I was that Mom!!! "Go Parker! Look Alive!  Touch the base!  Go WILDCATS! Good effort! Hustle up!"  I had to apologize to the people behind us.  "I'm sorry! I didn't know it would be this intense!"  


Since it was his first game, Parker made his share of mistakes.  But what melted my heart  was that after each mistake, I would see this sweet face of disappointment look to the stands and make eye contact.  Silently asking me if it is alright.  I'd respond with more loud clapping and another bit of my vast baseball wisdom.  "Defense!" or something else equally motivating.  Tony had up to this time been the intense one with Parker at practice.  I had been the laid back one - "It's just little league, honey."  Tonight, I was the lion, and he was the kitten.  As I helpfully pointed out to Parker what to try next time during his team at-bats, Tony had to remind me that he is just learning and sometimes real life is the best teacher.
  
Tony might of as well thrown cold water on me!  We are taking another step in Parker's life of letting go and letting him do.  If it is this scary at a little league game, how much more scary will his first day of  middle school be? Driving? His first date? Lord help me, dropping him off at his dorm?


With each birthday, I count off one less year to hold my babies. And although my friends with older children tell me it happens before they turn 18, I can't imagine it.  How on earth will he have learned everything he needs to know?  He won't, and I think that was what Tony was trying to gently tell me - get out of his way and let life be the teacher.  Stay in the stands.  He'll look for you if he needs you. 

Unplugged

 I had dropped our laptop the day of Macy's birthday party in November. A dear friend's husband pulled a MacGyver and got it working again.  Sadly, it finally booted up for the last time a week and a half ago. 

Yes, friends, I have been unplugged for almost two weeks. 

The detox wasn't pretty...I had acknowledged that I was am addicted to FB and Pinterest which Tony finds endless ways to tease me about.  Then I read an article about how our children need us and don't let Pinterest bring you down.  WHAT?!?!?! 

Having lived two whole weeks without electronic connections (did I mention one of those weeks was Spring Break?), using only my Blackberry and Tony's android whenever he wasn't looking, I can speak as an expert who has been to the dark side and returned to the laptop light.  Yes, I agree.  Our worth as a mother has nothing to do with our spice organization.  (Although ironically, my kitchen set-up pretty much mirrors my mom's kitchen.)  Do we find ways to put pressure on ourselves unnecessarily? Of course!  It's part of our genetic make-up.  HOWEVER, we have been redeemed by the One who never keeps score.  He covers our messy closets, wrapper filled cars, and counter-top clutter with grace and mercy. There is not a stain He cannot get out. We were made in His image. There isn't an app or a status update or a pin that can top that.