Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Could Have Been

I could have been a mother of teenager today.  Truthfully, I cannot wrap my mind around that.  

At that 18 week ultrasound, when our dreams were completely crushed, we were offered an abortion.  You could say faith or naivety prompted our refusal. To this day, those six months of our lives were the hardest days of our 41 years.  Yet, our answer would be the same.  

If things had gone differently, we could have been parents to 4 or 6 children like we planned on a Harding swing.  Now that I think about it, my life is full of could have beens. 

Maybe yours is too. Could have been are three little words that create a big trap.  We all have roads not taken either by choice or circumstance. Regret creates a jail without escape. If you are sitting in one of those cells right now, you will find this hard to believe. I am grateful for all my could have beens that weren't.  

You may not be there yet, but your could have beens are bringing you something better.  That's almost harsh to someone who is hurting, I know. The could have been seems like the only thing you want and the only thing that will stop the pain.  And here it comes - BUT, your tears will be dried and your heart will be put back together.  You will see your could have been mirrored in someone else's life, and it won't stab you with jealousy.  One day, your heart will hold so much joy that you marvel at its capacity to regenerate.  Your blessings are being multiplied by your could have beens.   

Lauran is my greatest could have been, and I know my today is better because she was.