Saturday, March 17, 2012
Saturday Night Struggles
For my friends who don't have a church family, you can skip this post...For my friends who do, maybe you can understand where I am coming from. When we moved to St. Louis, we knew no one. Walking into a building that bore the name of the church that we grew up with, we felt at home. We may have not known the name of a single person, but we knew the songs, felt the prayers, and could connect with the message. Thirteen years later, our church family is our second family. Our church family has gone through a remarriage which has caused a lot of discussion and departures. Every time I walk through the doors, I am missing someone. The sense of loss is great. I am trying to move on, meet new people, and smile at the visitors. Nevertheless, I really want to shout at the top of my lungs "What is the matter with everyone? Why isn't there room for everyone at the table? When will my neighbor's need matter more than mine?". I am not a good pretender. My friends have told me that they want the whole ordeal to be put behind them. I do too, but I don't know how. I don't know how to get rid of this feeling of dread on Saturday nights. I don't know how to let go of those friends who have chosen to move on. I. just. don't. know.