Sunday, March 4, 2012

10 years ago

As I watch Parker and Macy grow, I'm still shocked by what it would mean to have our oldest with us.  Lauran would be celebrating her 10th birthday today.  Both Tony and I have been changed by her short life, and we hope it has all been for the better.  Throughout the whole pregnancy with two months of hospitalized bed rest and 53 days, we learned countless lessons and came to deeper understandings.  But these two lessons are closet to my heart today.

A few days ago, a woman was on the news.  Her husband and herself survived the tornado devastation by cowering in the bathtub.  The only part of her house that was left was the bathroom they were in.  She explained the only reason they survived was that God was them.  I agree.  But he was also with the people who died down the street.  I believe death comes when we have served our divine purpose.  We're all here for different reasons. Some are great, noble purposes that make the 10 o'clock news.  Others are here for a  equally great, noble purposes that impact only a small circle.  I think some people spend their whole lives looking for a greater meaning when what we all are here for is really the same reason.  We're here to find God and trade a life of selfishness for a life of love and service.  It is out of love that we change the world for those who matter to us.  Lauran didn't really do anything.  She never sat up, walked, or cooed.  But her life had a purpose.  Her life changed us and we hope maybe she changed those who came to know her.

I was offered a "termination" at my 18 weeks ultrasound appointment. Since a problem with her kidneys had been detected and at the time that was all, the medical community felt a responsibility to inform us about every possible birth defect, the characteristics, and ultimate death.  Abortion wasn't even a consideration for us.  If you are reading this and have had an abortion, I am so very sorry.  I can only imagine the complete hopelessness and defeat you felt.  After Lauran died, the very next morning, we made a decision that I believe changed our very course. No matter how hard it would be, every day we would choose life.  Choosing life doesn't just happen in the doctor's office or the local planned parenthood.  It's a daily practice, and I hope you can see beyond your to do list, bills, work, and everything else that gets in the way of your joy. We can go our whole lives and never see our purpose revealed.  But if we choose to live and treat others like time with them is a gift, then we trust our purpose will be revealed when we have reached our final destination.


alicia looney said...

Such inspiring words... never thought of "choosing life" like that before ... but it was just what I neede to hear today.. I imagine Lauran and Aaron just having a good timein the arms of our father

DiAnn Jones said...

Such a precious thought provoking post. I too thought about comments on the news when survivors said God was with us. Does that mean he was not with the victims? You put into words what I couldn't. Sorry about the loss of your baby girl. She needed a chance just like the rest of us. You can feel assured that you and Tony gave her a chance at life. Sometimes life lessons are so very hard.

Jenny Reijgers said...

This may sound strange, but I Loved this post, I know every word came from your heart and I don't think anyone could have worded this better. I'm so sorry for how much you and Tony have suffered over your tremendous loss of Lauran. I remember I was just getting to know you when you had Lauran and even then, without knowing it, you both made an impact on me with the way you handled your loss. You never blamed God in a situation when so many would (maybe even me) and still, 10 years later, you're thankful for the time you had with her and the purpose she served in this life. Thank you for your beautiful words.